Before I headed to the shower, I opened up the front door and looked at the rising sun, which was still below the horizon. The color of the late dawn of an autumn sky reminded me of rusted steel, bands of ochre, rust and orange, fading sharply to the purest shades of blues and whites. It's a gradient in some graphics package, can't remember which. The sky wasn't just rusted steel, it was bruised flesh as well. Red, leads to purple and black, leads to this sick, brownish rainbow. At that time, we might feel like staying in bed, calling in sick, cancelling the whole day.
It's like the people closest to me are now facing a challenge which has broken me, years ago, when I turned 35.
Their lives have followed a pretty straightforward path up until this point, always able to fall back upon one stable element or another, just enough so that they could push through the storm and avoid crashing.
Now they face themselves, their mortality, their weakness, their mind's own limits. I'm not implying by any means that these individuals have never faced similar challenges before; I am merely noticing the fact that from this point, their lives have to change, that options of flight are no longer possible. What follows for them is impossible for others, even me, to predict as we all have our own support systems and our own ways of coping with disaster.
I am not saying either that I am an old sage, completely in control, having mastered the lessons of life's journey, bla bla bla. I still face challenges daily that my friends consider childishly simple. But I know my way around despair and utter, all-encompassing bleakness.
I like to think that these challenges and these choices, those that bring you face to face with death, lead you down paths that one would never have even considered previously. They force one to reveal their true selves, if only for a moment.
My father called this "The Train". "One day, the train is going to hit you.", he repeated often. He said it as if I could avoid it, as if my potential, my natural abilities combined with discipline and effort would somehow allow me to step off the tracks, avoid the train and keep walking peacefully. That's what parents do, they try to warn their children to about monsters and trains, drugs and bullies.
As all children, I do not learn from others, I only learn from direct experience. The train and I had to meet, violently. The train hit, crippling my mind and soul.
What happens next is up to you. Everybody, no matter how prepared, gets hit by the train; such is life as a mortal human being.
I will be there for my friends, as they shred and burn through layers of their burdened minds. I will be there besides the track, and they can lean on me, even though I am crippled, I can still support others who have it worse than I. We all can.
We must remember that the stars always shine, whether we see them or not.
Their lives have followed a pretty straightforward path up until this point, always able to fall back upon one stable element or another, just enough so that they could push through the storm and avoid crashing.
Now they face themselves, their mortality, their weakness, their mind's own limits. I'm not implying by any means that these individuals have never faced similar challenges before; I am merely noticing the fact that from this point, their lives have to change, that options of flight are no longer possible. What follows for them is impossible for others, even me, to predict as we all have our own support systems and our own ways of coping with disaster.
I am not saying either that I am an old sage, completely in control, having mastered the lessons of life's journey, bla bla bla. I still face challenges daily that my friends consider childishly simple. But I know my way around despair and utter, all-encompassing bleakness.
I like to think that these challenges and these choices, those that bring you face to face with death, lead you down paths that one would never have even considered previously. They force one to reveal their true selves, if only for a moment.
My father called this "The Train". "One day, the train is going to hit you.", he repeated often. He said it as if I could avoid it, as if my potential, my natural abilities combined with discipline and effort would somehow allow me to step off the tracks, avoid the train and keep walking peacefully. That's what parents do, they try to warn their children to about monsters and trains, drugs and bullies.
As all children, I do not learn from others, I only learn from direct experience. The train and I had to meet, violently. The train hit, crippling my mind and soul.
What happens next is up to you. Everybody, no matter how prepared, gets hit by the train; such is life as a mortal human being.
I will be there for my friends, as they shred and burn through layers of their burdened minds. I will be there besides the track, and they can lean on me, even though I am crippled, I can still support others who have it worse than I. We all can.
We must remember that the stars always shine, whether we see them or not.
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