Friendly advice

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Centered, bold text such as this reflects
Winamp's track selection as it comes up
during my writing session.
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RadioHead - ScatterBrain

I woke up today, looked at the notifications from my various social platforms, poured coffee in a travel cup which my dad bought at Kitt Peak (he was really big into astronomy at the time) and went for a walk.

Yuzo Koshiro - Streets of Rage OST - The Last Soul

It had rained, it would rain again shortly but for the length of my walk, the only wetness I could feel came from scattered water droplets riding on the back of random gusts of cold wind. It could have been pouring or sunny, it didn't matter : I need to take walks, for my body and mind's health.

RadioHead - Just

Ah, dear WinAmp, sometimes you're the only one who truly gets me.

This past July, I was graced with a diabetes diagnosis. I immediately took measures to get it under control. Metformin was prescribed to help with weight loss but I still bumped up my occasional walk to a daily (twice per day, actually!) routine. I also completely cut off alcohol consumption and reduced the size of all meals to reasonable proportions.

In just one month, I had managed to drop 25 pounds (~11.38 kilos). When I visited the doctor again, she was stunned. Apparently, most people usually dismiss the recommendations when first diagnosed with diabetes. They just feel scared and adopt an attitude of self-pity but they rarely take necessary action. She was ready to simply prescribe more medication. It felt like I had broken through the wall of professionalism as I could tell she appeared genuinely relieved to see someone listen to her for once. The tone of our conversation became friendlier, I asked for scientific explanations and she gladly spewed out most of her very advanced knowledge on the subject.

(Now is the time where you cheer for me : You may applaud.)

Racer X - Technical difficulties

This behavior of mine was strangely uncharacteristic as I am usually a cynical fatalist.

I accept this disease because I know that I was the one who's ignored the warning signs and willingly drove his health to this level through years of abuse.

Chrono Trigger OST - Underground sewers

This past week felt like all my eyes could perceive were the ways in which friends and family dealt with similar condemnations.

What I extract from these observations is polarizing.

On the one hand, some, like me, choose to adopt a slow-burn suicide. Thinking that it's never going to get better, they just let themselves sink, favoring instantaneous, shallow and ultimately self-harming gratification because the long-term is simply not an option to them. Oh how they will love it when their ability to choose is taken from them. I call this "waiting to be saved", something that I think is borne out of a life spent playing videogames and watching movies. Maybe it has something to do with a catholic upbringing as well, a belief system which many end up renouncing in their later years yet underneath their self-serving words, the secret hope for redemption and forgiveness can clearly be seen.

The second attitude I've witnessed is just as fascinatingly bleak. It is the option chosen by people who, in the face of their impending doom, choose to mend their ways in what is usually a violent and abrupt way. This 180 degrees usually begets a toxic attitude towards others as a way to justify their choice to themselves. I call this "Self-appointed martyrdom". Haughty and righteous-sounding, it is as if these people haven't understood that life has more surprises down the line. It might work for a while though, at least until the next big obstacle comes up.

I've been in both camps, sometimes simultaneously. Every single time, it turned out to be a temporary solution, spawned from the immediate necessity to avoid the proverbial sky from falling on my head.

Now I go walk, rain or shine and try to appreciate the situation, as unpleasant as it might seem.

Funny how balance is almost always sought when it has slipped beyond our grasp...